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Haiz. I think I'm feeling depressed. Maybe I'm just tired from outfield. Maybe I see so many being so successful, lucky in what they have been doing and they are doing well.

It's not that I'm not trying. But to earn a living seems hard. There are always something to pay or to spend on. School fees are due at again. New washing machine cause the old one broke after 10 years. How to save up like that?

So many people investing here and there and making good returns but how to get the initial sum to invest? Haiz. I know my grades sucks. But even I did well enough to go uni, would I had been able to afford it myself at that point of time?

Feels like I'm always starting with nothing. Don't like this feeling but I don't think there is anything to be changed for this.

It maybe a sense of jealousy when I see other complete families with dads to provide for them and others just have to study and not worry about money. Haiz.

I really wonder if I am a failure. Guys in my camp are getting married, getting houses, getting cars etc, I'm still getting my degree. With no gf too. :/
I don't know. Maybe I think getting a gf. Means alot of cost. And I'm already saving next to nothing. Haiz.

I have not been pro actively looking. I think I am hoping someday the girl of my dreams would just appear like those novels that I read. Heh. Think I'm blabbing already.

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Sigh. Is this still being visited I wonder.
I don't really know what's wrong. When people judge, do they judge themselves first?

I think relationships are complicated.. Was at a outing recently and seeing everyone with a mate doesn't make me feel in place.

Not exactly considering myself abnormal but in psychology terms, I have avoidance attachment. I think it's hard for me to develop bond/relationships normally and I think it's been the case for the longest time. Some people develop great bonds and have fond memories of places where they have spend large amount of time. But I am not sure why I don't feel the same.

Secondary school, ITE, Magnum, Commandos. All these places should develop great memories and bonds but it doesn't seem happening.

Now maybe it's Razer's turn.
I can feel my self growing apart from it. I don't know why I'm not sleeping at this time too when I have work tomorrow. Technically 5 hours time. I know I'm tired but there is always things to do like a show or a game or story to read. Basically just alot of things to do other than sleeping.


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Maybe it's one of those times where the brain is suffering from the lack of sleep and there the negative thoughts keep coming out. Here I am wondering why and what I am doing now. Not just at work but in life. Heck. I wonder who will read this. I see people moving forward in life and I wonder what's missing.

Obviously compared to others in the parts of the world, my life is pretty decent I would say.. But the me right now is not comparing with people worse off then me. I am comparing with people better off than me. Those with a better job, better pay, better life. Do u compare with others not as lucky as you?Realistically I guess none of us does.

I'm tired of working. I don't know why I'm stuck in this line. I once tried having expectations and life would throw me different situations every time. I should be glad.. Maybe the one up there I am meant for greater things and it would have been more suitable for me. There are so so so many examples I can think of. One distinct one would be my work or career option. I used to think that I could become and officer and sign on and have a stable career. I was then thrown into a mono intake of the Commandos. I'm not saying it is bad, in fact I did enjoy time there but there are alot of instances I really wonder why I am doing it.. We walk more, train more and do a lot of crazy stuffs.. Fulfilling but I was hoping to take it a little bit easier.. My attitude was not excellent an I guess that was why I was not chosen as a leader. I don't know. If u ask me interacting with systems or games was easier than interacting and building relationships with people. I'm not close with anyone and I'm not exactly sure why. There does not seem to be sufficient to talk about.. I also tried applying for an job as a cabin crew but I failed at various stages. I think I must suck really bad at expressing myself. Heading to the management review at the first interview must have been some serious stroke of luck.. But I blew it.
At my current work, its endless. Really endless. And while I did my best, I don't really think it's paying off that well. I see people with work that gives them plenty of time to play games in office and seem to be well off. Why. I had a chance previously and I didn't take it fast enough and I guess no point regretting it now ..

I think. I need a make over.. A make over in terms of mind set.

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Jan. 7th, 2011

When the work is done, game is finished and everyone is leaving office. Whats next to look forward to?

Everything that seemed interesting stopped being so. Maybe it's just today now or just a random thought.

Everyday's goal is to finish up all e tickets available. What's next after finishing it up? Am I just going to try to achieve this goal for e next 3,5,10 years? I certainly hope not. Really. It's time to make up my mind and decide on a course to take. Been delaying it long enough. Need to go out and see see look look. Kinda boring just doing what I'm currently doing.

Think I have been focusing to spend less to increase e amt in the bank but I guess I will need to spend some in order to increase the earnings.

Tired. Alot of new stuffs happening recently. I'm lucky to have my colleagues the way they are. Work would be difficult without them.
I'm thankful for my mum. She takes cares of so many stuffs. Concerned if I ate, preparing meals for the family. Washing of the clothes. Keeping the house in order. Being there making sure everything is in running order so we can concentrate on our stuffs. I'm thankful for her being her.
Although there are some stuffs that we don't have but it's alot better than alot of people. Guess I just have to work for it myself.

Hope it's not too late for new year resolutions

Haiz. Had a meeting with my boss this morning. I want to go HK. i just decided. But then I brought this up to my boss and he didnt sound very ok with it. Yes. I know December is busy period. Yes. I will be gone from 3Dec to 14Dec. And since I end on Dec 14(tuesday) I was thinking of taking 3 days leave and coming back on Monday.
but no. he said to see the work load in November first but with. Air ticket can say book then book de mea? Wont that mean I have to pay more? Its not like I am telling him 3 days in advance. Its like at least 6 weeks man.

My colleague is fine with it but apparently not with my boss. I have leave to clear too. And I want to go because my family is going as well.

And it brings me to another point. My boss hinted that we should play less games, and not spend too much time doing our own stuffs. I do know my boss is hinting to me cause i do play games sometimes during working hours.

But! the thing is, my boss is in USA and what he ask of us, we get it done for him. However, e Big Boss and my Boss's Boss is in SG. And My boss has been receiving feedback about Techsupport having too much free time.

Hmm. when we work, no one sees. When 1 customer's complains reaches top management, do u know how many customers we handled?

haiz. im depressed about my leave.
Today is Wednesday.
hmm. Finished my stuffs already. Nua.

Today i woke up feeling more tired then I was before I went to sleep. I think there was some dreams throughout the night but I dont remember them when I woke up.

Last Weekend was a busy busy busy weekend. Tired. physically and mentally. Friday night, went to Vivo to get a hard disk but turned out i didnt get it cause they didnt sell hard disk in their flagship store. The 15% discount coupon can only be used with Hand phones and cameras. Cant be used with TV and Monitors and Printers. kind of a wasted trip.

After that, went down to serangoon for some gaming. I nearly nearly sprained my ankle cause i was holding so many stuffs and didnt pay attention to the road.

I reached home around 3. showered slept at 4.

and. 10 am. there was a phone call. I so wanted not to pick up that call but it kept ringing. so in the end I picked it up and it was my sis who wanted to get a cake for my third aunt. It was her birthday and we were prawning and bbq-ing as a celebration. I could not sleep after that. Was about to leave the house when I decided to call my small aunt to see if she had any discounts or lobangs for Bakerzin's cakes. turned out she was heading down to get the cake too! Luckily i called! I so wanted to sleep after that but couldnt so surfed web checking stuffs for the forest adventure on sunday.

At around 2++ (the meeting time at my place was 130pm) everyone arrived, and we went off to Geylang Lor 20 to Prawn! We had 5 rods and we decided to prawn for 2 hours. that was a total of 125$. We did okay i guess. Ratnor caught alot of prawns!

After which we went back to TPY, my aunt's condo for e BBQ. brought stuffs over and started the bbq. ended around 10. Went home shower before going down to Raine's place for MJ cause Justin and ZhongWei and I had not played MJ for a very long time. we finshed with me and justin winning 1 dollar each. lol. Went home and slept around 5.

Sunday. Woke up at 9am. went to see my grandma at bishan and i was supposed to meet Siti at 11am. After buying stuffs for my grandma, I stayed around to help her with her stuffs. It took longer then expected so i was late in meeting siti. I waited so long for a cab. Really when you need cabs, they are not there. but when you dont need it, you will see them everywhere. After rushing home, shower , grabbing everything rush to TPY hub and we took a cab down to Bedok reservation and we did the Forest Adventure. All the zipline and stuffs.

It was really physically demanding for some parts but still very enjoyable. There was lots of pics on facebook. After which we went down to Parkway to get some stuffs before returning the car to kenny's dad at 430. We went to sheng siong to buy stuffs for dinner and really we were not sure what to make for dinner.

In the end we settled for Herbal chicken, Mushroom soup with fish, pasta, stir fried veggies, stirfried mushrooms with onions and oyster sauce. The cooking was a very HOT experience but most of the stuffs turned out ok except for some.

We had too much food and we had to play games to finish up the food. After dinner, we played some games like scrabble and uno stacko.

I kind of was super tired so i laid on the sofa and fell asleep. the next thing i know was my alarm going of on Monday morning 750 and 805am. tried to go back to sleep but failed and ended up watching tv. Was watching forest gump and i still think its quite an interesting story. siti went back around 9 am and i went back along with JL and kenny as JL had a flight that afternoon.

I walked to the busstop and my bus was there so i went home, had lunch, and checked emails. cleared some and decided to take a nap around 1+ woke up at 4. Good nap. Justin and ZW jioed MJ again. so showered and went to Justin's place for round 2.

Ordered KFC for dinner and went home around 9ish. watched videos and played games on the iphone. went to sleep 1+.

That basically sums up my National day Weekend. It was a very very long weekend. I still feel tired.

Hmm. Things have been normal recently.

Work home eat sleep puttong on weight.

Yesterday, i changed e tap in e bathroom and the smaller one in e toilet as they had been leaking for a few days.

thats the new tap to replace this.

And this to replace the one in e toilet.

Hmm cost of bigger tap. 25$. Smaller one 5$. If we hired someone to replace it, the cost would easily double.

I did the smaller one first and that went pretty well i.e i didnt get too wet.

Oh did i mention the water supply cabnot be switched off as last time when I was fixing somerhing else the main water supply outside e house was damaged as i didnt have the proper tools to switch it off and i tried to improvise. That didnt turn out very well and from then, the water could not be switched off.

The bigger tap was more challenging. I used a piece of cloth to make sure that the water wouos not go everywhere. I had to white tape the treads where i turn in the tap and the first time, i didnt put enough. Resulting in, the tap going in all the way but it was a little loose and when fully tightened, it didnt sit upright. It was slanted to e 1 oclock position and i am 100% sure my mum would not like it. So i took it out, put back the old tap and re-taped the whole thing.

2nd attempt was a wetter one as i dropped e cloth while screwing the new tap in for the second time which resulted in me being very wet. Again. The tap did not align properly and i had to take it out. Another reason was that the main tap, was that there was a filter on it and it was limiting the flow of water. Attempted to knock it out but it didnt work.
Unscrewing it didnt work as it was quite tight.

After taking it out, I decided to be very generous with the white tape and making sure i got it around the treads really tight.
I attempted to remove the filter and i realised it was a screw-on type and it needed really dry hands. Thats why it didnt move previously. After retaping and removing the filter, I decided to heck care the cloth and removed e old tap and replaced it with the new one. Got drenched but for a short while. Finally. The tap fit like a glove and it finally tightened at e 12 oclock position.

Finally! Both tap fixed. Quite easy i guess. If anyone needs a tap or something replaced can look for me. Haha.

Went to town after that. Dinner at cafe cartel followed by going to e arcade and finishing at the lanshop. Reached home at 130 and showered and played gta on my phone before sleeping.

I must make a note to myself. No coffee and tea in one day.either a packet is fine hut not both. I should be sleeping already. But ya. I'm here and I can't sleep.

Came back from Bali and was bogged down with work. Really tired as I slept quite a little in Bali. Every morning was like rushing for breakfast and then going for tha activities we had planned. After coming back Tues I was late. Just overslept. Wed was late due to the rain.

Thursday and Friday was ok but the amount of work was not normal. We did manage to finish all today.

I been thinking abt some stuffs. One question I am asking myself. Am I Happy with what I am doing?

Hmm tired. Shall cont tmr.

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I saw this web while surfing today. US having super long weekend. I admire the guy who did this. Really. Hats off to him. It looks so nice. Interesting hobby. It really looks damn cool. Well. I guess my us colleagues were in a holiday mood and the tickets are slower then normal.
Been finishing early for the past few working days but i expect things to get worse on wed or thursday.

My colleague, the one on my team, my senior, birthday is on this friday. I think I need to get her something. hmm. Dunno what to get for her lea. Voucher? Hmm..

I feel bored. i feel aimless. i feel im just wasting my time. i feel i am just living day by day. Haiz.

i dont see any direction, i dont know what i want, no interests, no hobbies, everything just like going through a routine. This is bad. i dont like this feeling.

everyone around me striving to move ahead in life. or hoping to strike 4d or toto. at least they are doing something to achieve their goals.

haiz. im tired. i dont like this feeling. no one would care if im around or not anyway.

Jun. 29th, 2010

I read something interesting about putting things off to tomorrow or later. So true.

Another something about interesting ATMs around the world.